Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
