NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
