it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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