Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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