Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
