This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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