You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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