Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I want to fling myself into the sun
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
