so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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