trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
