Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
