I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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