I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
