I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
