its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
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There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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