You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
