You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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