i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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