Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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