I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
