did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
