No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
