Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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