my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
