bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
