U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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