your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
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i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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