Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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