..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
