Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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