Sorry, I don't speak sober.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
