bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
