Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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