she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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