can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
its liver damage thursday
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
