Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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