my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
