He is an equal opportunity slut.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
