whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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