Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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