Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
