I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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