remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
