There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
