sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
