Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
