I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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