Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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