If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize