My friends, they love my intelligence
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize