remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
