I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
