how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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