My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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