she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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