I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
