Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
