it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
