its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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