At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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