Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
