Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
How naked do you want me to be?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
