May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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