Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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