I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize