I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
