Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
