i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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