these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
